we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
