we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
