the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
