We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
