how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
