tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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