we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
