im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
