So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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