I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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