I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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