nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
