hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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