i can't believe i had my finger in that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
