I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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