dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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