in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
ttyl tear gas
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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