i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
