Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
