Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You pole danced in your parka.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
