I think i peed on brittanys purse
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do herpes really smell.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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