Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
