Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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