what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
