I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize