i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
