i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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