I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
