How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
