nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
