We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
