I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
