I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
