The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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