I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
