Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
