I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
