I murdered the dance floor call the cops
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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