we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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