I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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