matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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