# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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