Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
