Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
