I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
