how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
