remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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