ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
