i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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