Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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