he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
