if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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