You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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