This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
