he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
