You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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