i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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