he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
