he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
