she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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