Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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