I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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