babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
