If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
