You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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